You'vebeenserved.

There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.

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Trichotillomania

May 9th, 2013

So, after all the drama at home, I finally plucked up the courage to ask my dad for some money. 

You see, he had helped me out before. Especially with my hair pulling. 

I asked him for some money so I could get my hair done in order to prevent me from pulling it. It’s expensive, yes, but it’s worth it. It’s something called a weave - mostly common in the afro-caribbean community as a why of styling hair. 

What goes into this is a process, first by platting your hair to your head with extensions to thicken the plaits. In this case they put a cap over my head after this, because a lot of my hair is too short to plait. Once they had glued the cap on over my hair, the woman then proceeds to sew human hair (bought in shops) onto the plaits or the cap. This process for me stops me from pulling my hair, whether the cap is there or not - The cap covers my hair, and the plaits wound my real hair so I can’t get hold of it. 

If you’re reading this and you suffer from this disorder - it might be worth checking out. 

If you know of afro-caribbean hair salons or you have black friends, ask about it and find out as much as you can. It really helps me, and I hope it helps you too. 

Filed under trich trichotillomania hair pulling

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DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IT’S LIKE TO LOOK AT MY MUM AND SISTER’S BEAUTIFUL LONG HAIR?!

SITTING ON THE BUS AND LOOKING AT ALL THE WOMEN AND BEING RILED WITH JEALOUSY BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEAUTIFUL HAIR?!

WHY THE FUCK ME?! WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO WEAR A WIG?! WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO WEAR HATS TO COVER MY DISGUSTING HEAD?! 

FUCK YOU FUCK EVERYONE FUCK LONG HAIR FUCK ALL YOU GIRLS OUT THERE WITH NICE HAIR I HATE YOU ALL

Filed under trich

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Tichotillomania

25th April, 2013

I really don’t know if anyone reads these little journal entries I do sometimes. But, I need to vent.

For fucks sake, I mean really? I was doing so well. I had managed to grow back most of my hair and I had a bald patch about the size of a 10p piece. 

I was so hopeful I got all of my hair cut short to suit the rest of the newly grown hair, but of course, my shitty life isn’t always nice for a long period of time, and soon enough, there’s so much drama and stress and shitty shit going on that I cannot stop myself from pulling anymore. 

I dropped out of school about two months ago. Stupid decision? 

Maybe - because I didn’t finish my exams. No - because now I’m blissfully happy in my full time job. 

Despite being happy in my job, it was more than stressful getting the job in the first place, and I have to travel for an hour and a half just to get there, and travelling means money - money which I don’t have. 

On top of the stress of getting a full time job, my relationship has turned into a fucking episode of Romeo and Juliette. His parents hate me because he has a lot of problems going on right now, and they blame me for it. HAHA when I’ve been the one who’s had to pick up the pieces after every argument, sit there and console him while he cries into my chest, talking him out of suicide almost daily, helping him control his anxieties… 

I HAVE DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY TOO AND NOW I’M FUCKING MAKING MYSELF BALD FOR YOUR SHITTY PROBLEMS! 

I’M DONE 

HAD ENOUGH

I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF.

Filed under trich trichotillomania hair pulling